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What a week it’s been for the Dyers. Firstly, Dani Dyer and Jack have taken their Love Island-fuelled relationship to the next level, confirming the pair are moving in together. Awww. Not only that, but Danny ‘I’m f***ing Danny Dyer’ Dyer has picked up a gong at the Edinburgh TV Festival Awards for his Brexit rant, which was recognised as ‘TV moment of the year.’
In case you missed the thoroughly educational segment, it involved Dyer saying how no one ‘has a fu*king clue’ about what Brexit is, before slinging mud at ‘that twat’ David Cameron for buggering off to France ‘with his trotters up.’
Elsewhere, Dec from Ant and Dec confirmed he’s getting a new partner for this year’s I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!, which seems inconceivable for those of us who have been following the duo since the days where they were known as PJ and Duncan.
Dec without Ant (or the other way around) is like Grant without Phil. Or Del without Rodney. Or even Michael Jackson without Bubbles.
Life is Strange 2 sees you on the run from the cops in an epic road trip
While I’m going to miss Chloe and Max – they were hella great – Life is Strange 2 is looking pretty damn interesting. Eschewing the high school trappings of its predecessor, the sequel features two brothers on the run from the cops, with the eldest of the siblings deciding to leg it to Mexico. The exact reasons for making a beeline for the border remain unknown, although it appears it might have something to do with the pint-sized brother’s ability to lob police cars at people. It’s curious that they seem to have dumped the all-female leads this time around, though.
The Dark Pictures Anthology is a series of new horror games from Supermassive Games
Until Dawn was a bloody brilliant nod to ‘90s teen slashers like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, so I was understandably chuffed to see creators Supermassive Games returning to the horror space again with its next project, The Dark Pictures Anthology. Billed as a collection of standalone cinematic experiences, the series kicks off in 2019 with Man of Medan, a spine-chilling tale of a group of ‘young Americans’ (aren’t they always?) who go diving in the South Pacific to unearth a rumoured WWII shipwreck. Things go tits up, obviously, with the group soon pissing off a powerful supernatural entity that terrorises the nosy parkers with corpse-looking ghouls and rotting, disembodied hands. As long as the cast stacks up and gives us some meaningful dialogue choices, there’s no reason this won’t prove just as grisly and compelling as Supermassive’s other chilly, teen-eviscerating spook fest. Props to the jump to multiplatform territory, too.
Shenmue III gets a new release date and trailer
The road to Shenmue III has been a pretty long slog to say the least. Even after Yu Suzuki launched it on Kickstarter at Sony’s E3 shindig in 2015, we’ve still had to endure numerous delays, a lack of any major updates, and those awful dead-eyed, mannequin-esque character models. Things finally seem to be moving along, thankfully, with Ryo Hazuki’s epic revenge saga set to land in August next year. That’s four years since the game was unveiled, and a whopping 20 years since the original Shenmue was released in Japan. I mean, yeah, it’s another year until I get to play Shenmue III, but I’ve already waited 17 years for Ryo to escape that ruddy cave at the end of the previous game, so what the hell?
Ubisoft won’t release a new Assassin’s Creed game in 2019
Assassin’s Creed Origins was not only a quintessential example of how you reinvigorate a flagging series, but it also proved emphatically that Ubisoft’s decision to rest the brand in 2016 was probably the best decision it ever made. While not a reboot in the traditional sense, it nudged the series in the right direction, injecting a series of welcome gameplay mechanics that made it easily the best Creed since Black Flag. The fact Odyssey is out just a year after is a bit worrying, but it’s good to know that Ubisoft isn’t about to start milking the cash cow again on a yearly basis. Take a well-earned rest next year, folks – give us another Origins in 2020.
Playing as OddJob in GoldenEye was cheating, says Rare
GoldenEye was one of the best multiplayer time sinks money could buy back in the late 90s, but one little s*** ruined the entire thing for most people: OddJob. The vertically challenged, bowler-hat-chucking henchman caused havoc for the game’s aiming system –  in the sense that you couldn’t hit the sod. Instead, you had to manually shoot at your target, which wasted time and forced you to stand still, making yourself a massive target in the process. As for Slappers Only, well, good luck; trying to smack OddJob in the chops when he’s right there, in front of you, assaulting your kneecaps like a smartly-dressed pitbull terrier was an exercise in controller-tossing frustration. At least now, people who played as proper characters like General Ourumov, feel vindicated by Rare’s comments.
Devil May Cry 5 release date announced
Capcom’s got a busy 2019 lineup so far, with Resi 2 hitting in January and now Devil May Cry 5 strutting its stuff in early March. The Gamescom trailer shed a little more light on the demon-slaying shenanigans, and thankfully, things are just as bats*** insane as you’d expect. I mean, Dante’s bike not only functions as transportation, but it now literally splits into two sword-like instruments of death. Nero, on the other hand, demonstrates that the combo system is just as viscerally satisfying and over the top as it’s always been, with the silver-haired hero slicing a car in half and then kicking it into an incoming foe. Capcom said the combat doffs its cap more to Devil May Cry 4 than any other game, but to me, it looks like DmC on steroids. And that’s just great.
Tekken 7’s new Wall Bound system looks brutal
Tekken 7 Season Two is looking pretty tasty so far. Aside from the fact we have Lei Wulong, Anna Williams, and Negan looking for a punch-up, it’ll also bring about a new mechanic: Wall Bound. While the Bound system has been knocking around since Tekken 6 – the concept being you can ‘bounce’ your opponent to keep them airborne – it hasn’t ever been against walls. Frankly I’m not sure if Tekken 7 needs a Wall Bound; smacking your opponent against a wall was pretty detrimental to their health as it is, and the TailSpin kept the momentum going for regular juggles. It’s going to have its detractors that’s for sure, although I’m willing to give it a shot. Pleasingly a lot of characters have seen some improvements, although quite why Bamco decided Paul needed buffing is anyone’s guess. Seriously chaps and chapettes, give Kazuya some love…
Have a cracking weekend, folks.
