Football is not coming home. Well, okay, technically it is; England are packing their bags and coming home from Russia after losing to Croatia, but that’s just me being a smarmy git. Colm said we lost to a better side, but I think it’s more to do with that dead fish that was thrown onto the pitch – a bad omen if I’ve ever seen one.

It’s not all bad news, though, as Three Lions went to number one in the singles chart, a feat which David Baddiel described as ‘awkward.’

Elsewhere, Piers Morgan’s not too happy about an inflatable baby version of his best mate Donald Trump taking flight in London during the U.S. President’s visit, and Keith Lemon is attempting to crack the US by having a film crew follow him around while visiting his famous ‘mates.’ 

These apparently include Emma Bunton and Vinnie Jones, with the latter not too happy the TV man asked if he could do a poo in the former footie star’s posh L.A. gaff. 

Darksiders 3 release date announced, special editions confirmed

350 quid for a special edition? You’re having a giraffe, right? But no, that’s what you’ll be expected to fork out for Darksiders 3’s Apocalypse Edition, which features a bunch of extra tatt to help collect the dust in your room. To be honest, the four figurines do look rather lovely, but considering you could get a PS4 Pro and a game for that amount (or even one of the old bangers they’re constantly flogging near my mate’s house on the side of the road), it’s a bit much to ask for. Still, at least Darksiders 3 has a concrete release date, although the November slot might be a little bit too crowded at this point.

A God of War series is not coming to Netflix

Kratos has way too many people to kill for one movie, so a Netflix series would probably be the best way to adapt the perpetually pissed off anti-hero’s limb-ripping antics to the small screen. Well, that’s the dream at least. Right now, it doesn’t look like it’s happening, but God of War game director Cory Barlog seems keen on changing that. Jason Momoa was the hot rumour to play the buff baldy, but if you ask me, the only person for the job is Dave Bautista. 

Tekken 7 may be getting a second season pass

I have a love/hate relationship with Tekken 7. On one hand it’s mechanically one of the best fighters out there and a superb return to form, and on the other it pissed me off so much during one Ranked Match session last summer that I swore at the TV, punched my bed in frustration, then lost my balance and fell flat on my arse. I’ve only recently recovered from the sheer embarrassment of it all, truth be told. Still, if we’re getting a second season pass, there’s definitely a few strong contenders out there that would make me dive back in. How about Yakuza’s Kazuma Kiryu? Dead or Alive’s Ryu? Or hell, how about a classic Tekken brawler like the criminally underused Lei Wulong? Time to email Harada-san, methinks.

The Last of Us: Part II will give Ellie an AI companion

One of the lingering mysteries about The Last of Us: Part II right now is not when Joel will show up in the game, but whether he’s actually alive or brown bread. Ellie has already been confirmed as the only playable character, and now it seems she’ll be joined by an NPC. But is it Joel? Frankly, my money’s on that mo-cap dog that was leaked a few months ago as a possible companion. At this point, I still reckon the fan theories about Joel being dead and a figment of Ellie’s imagination could be spot on; it’d certainly explain her desire to exact a bloody, throat-slitting revenge.

Yakuza probably isn’t coming to the Switch anytime soon

Sega’s knuckle-cracking gangster series Yakuza has always been synonymous with PlayStation, so perhaps this isn’t much of a surprise. However, it seems that Sega’s primary reason for not bringing Kazuma Kiryu’s curb-stomping antics to the Switch is because the Wii U port of the original two games flopped harder than a progressive rock album at the height of the punk movement in the late 70s. This doesn’t sit well with me, as 1) They were only HD upgrades, not remakes and 2) They were only released in Japan and on a system that was hardly setting tills alight in the first place. Give it a chance, eh? Conversely, there might be a chance for the franchise to set up shop on Xbox One at some point, which is good to know. Spread the love ‘n all that.

Fortnite season 5 adds ATK, Rifts, and Flintlock weapons

It was pretty hard to avoid Fortnite season 5 this past week. I mean, Epic Games shipped a bloody life-size Derr Burger and police cruiser to the Californian desert, and stuck llamas all over Europe. In fact, only England’s game against Croatia and Donald Trump’s visit could rival the ubiquity of Epic’s battle royale juggernaut. Season 5’s now live and kicking, and we have a bunch of highlights to tuck into, including an All Terrain Kart (basically a golf buggy) and Rifts, which play into the whole objects-being-sucked-from-game-and-into-the-real-world PR stunt. Go nuts.

Dead Space 4 may have starred Ellie and would have seen humanity struggling to survive

Dead Space was a cracking franchise, and it saddens me that we’re probably not going to see it again. That’s bad enough, but it’s now emerged that Dead Space 4 actually seemed like it would have been pretty decent. From the sound of things, Visceral were aiming to place more emphasis on survival, with players scavenging for supplies on Necromorph-infested ships as humanity faces an impending, entrails-spilling doom. Ellie was also in the running for the main protagonist, which would have mixed things up nicely after playing as Isaac for the past three games. Here’s hoping EA decides to maybe revisit the brand some years down the line, eh?

Happy weekend, people!
 

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