‘y cant metroid crawl?’ – A Compendium Of VideoGamer.com Stupidity

In case you haven’t seen it, Nintendo’s Miiverse – in celebration of Super Metroid being released on the eShop – today found themselves perplexed by a game nearly 20 years old. Why?

Here’s VideoGamer.com’s own shameful gaming memories.

Tom Orry, Editorial Director – Silent Hill 4: The Room: y cant i leave room?

I’ve had a few “Durrr!” moments in video games over the years, but the one that sticks out the most is undoubtedly the opening of Silent Hill 4: The Room. You start off in an apartment, and you’re able to wander about. I did the usual video game routine of walking up to every object in order to see if I could interact with it, which included a phone and a window if I remember correctly. This ambling went on for about 30 minutes and I simply couldn’t work out what I was meant to do. I was stuck in the room.

With cabin fever presumably setting in my mind started to over think everything. “It’s called The Room so maybe I’m never meant to leave,” I thought to myself. “Maybe I need to have another look out the window.” I repeatedly looked out the window, scanning everything for a clue, anything that would let me make some progress. It was no good. I proceeded to hug every wall while spamming the action button with futile enthusiasm of a dog humping a leg, hoping I’d trigger a secret door out of this hell. I couldn’t escape. I returned to the window. There was nothing.

I was lost. Helpless.

There was a tunnel through the bathroom wall. What an idiot!

Simon Miller, Editor-In-Chief – A Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past: y cant I figure out where 2 go?

While the water temple is synonymous with being horribly difficult where The Legend Of Zelda series of games are concerned, it still ruined a piece of my childhood. Years before Ocarina Of Time was sticking its metaphorical groin in gamer’s faces with its own underwater nightmare, A Link To The Past was making children cry and adults question their own intelligence.

Unfortunately, for me, I found myself completely bewildered by a far more obvious puzzle. Nearing the boss’ chamber, I was trapped in a room with nothing but waterfalls and enemies. With only one exit – the other door led to a corridor with a dead end – as far as I knew there was nowhere else to go. I could blame all this on being 8 years old, but considering LTTP had already taught me that some waterfalls were actually hidden passages should have been enough to spark anything in my unformed brain. Not to mention that, for no reason other than being an idiot, I prided myself on being able to work out nearly any challenge the series put in front of me.

It couldn’t. I spent 6 hours trying to figure it out. I rang the Nintendo helpline. It cost a fortune. My dad yelled at me…

Steve Burns, Reviews and Features Editor – Extermination: water y u so hard?

An early PS2 release, Extermination had a great premise: a survival horror game set in a Thing-style Antarctic base. Not only that, but it was running on PS2 and boasted real-time camera movement and fluid aiming. Picking it up on launch day, things went smoothly. Until I ran into the above.

As you can see from the video – unless I recorded it at the time and forgot about it due to the trauma – I wasn’t the only one to have an issue with this. My young brain had figured most of it out: turn on coolant pipe, run into wall of water, sever pipe with knife, profit.

Two hours later, screaming at the screen with the venom usually reserved for Chelsea players who score against United, I’d tried everything. Then I realised you had a to take a slightly longer run-up and be in exactly the right position before you slashed your knife for it to work.

Obstacle surmounted, I thought the worst was behind me. I was wrong. Google ‘Extermination end boss’ and have a good old laugh. I’d add the link for you, but I’m afraid seeing these two things together again in one day will cause my brain to break.

Chris Bratt, Video Producer – Tomb Raider: y does my flatmate h8 me?

I didn’t have to look quite so far back as the rest of these guys for my gaming blunder, which probably gives you a good idea of how often I end up overthinking the most straightforward of puzzles. No, I only had to recall playing this year’s excellent Tomb Raider reboot.

There’s a section early on in the game, in which you fight, jump and repeatedly injure yourself through a World War II bunker. It’s pretty fun, but I can’t remember it being particularly noteworthy… apart from one sodding room.

Upon entering this devious hellhole of a room you’ll notice two seemingly unrelated objects. A vent leading through to some kind of control room and a couple of lanterns on the floor. Quite the puzzle! What a quandry! The solution is actually really very simple: you climb through the vent, turn a wheel to start a gas leak, and then throw one of these lanterns through the vent to cause a lovely big explosion. Bish bash bosh. Easy! Unfortunately that’s not what I opted to go with.

To make matters worse, I’d just pulled a reluctant flatmate away from his work to come and check out this “cool new Tomb Raider game”, and so the next 10 minutes consisted of him watching me throw lanterns at anything and everything within the room. I started off (rather sensibly) by targeting things that looked vaguely flammable, but by the end, I was just throwing them around willy nilly. It was a disaster.

If my flatmate hadn’t been there, I’m not sure how long I would have been trapped in that cycle. With visible frustration, he snatched the controller from my hand, climbed through the vent and pointed at the wheel that I had somehow managed to ignore. We don’t play video games together anymore, and I think that’s probably for the best.