WWE European Superstar Challenge Press Trip Diary

Each year THQ organises a summer event where WWE superstars convene to test their game playing skills, demonstrating the latest SmackDown VS RAW title. This year’s competition took place in Madrid, Spain, attended by the crème de la crème of professional wrestling – everyone from heavyweight champion Chris Jericho to the lovely Kelly Kelly. Naturally VideoGamer.com was there to monitor events… Read on for our blow-by-blow account of the trip, from a crack of dawn start to the crowning of the tournament’s champion.

4.30am: It’s never nice to wake up at 4.30am – but it’s a particularly unpleasant experience when you open your eyes and find yourself in a Holiday Inn near Heathrow Airport. This room feels like the kind of place that someone feeble might die in. In fact, I think someone already did – me.

4.32am: Body still asleep. Shower looks a bit skanky; wash head under the tap instead. Classy! Stuff clothes into bag. Must. Escape. Hotel.

4.46am: Our group convenes in the lobby. Journalists from assorted print and online publications lie sprawled over chairs and tables. There isn’t much conversation going on, just a lot of tired staring into space – and in some cases, a bit of dribbling. Here we are, professional writers from the realms of print and online media. We may be half dead at the moment, but our resolve is unwavering. We are on a mission: we must fly to Spain to watch muscle men play video games in their underpants. This is important stuff. This is journalism.

5.59am: After catching a bus to the airport and checking in, we head to Terminal 2’s departure gates. THQ’s PR man kindly pays for a small mountain of pastries, sandwiches and scalding hot cups of coffee. Processed ham and cheese has never felt so good.

6.30am – 9.20am: We stumble onto our plane and collapse into our seats. Fall asleep in one country and wake up in another – always a weird experience.

10.09 – 11am: Madrid’s airport has an interior design that sits somewhere between your local leisure centre and one of those dome-shaped cities that will one day be built on Mars. We gather our bags and board a coach. People have started to wake-up now – a few journos have pulled out their DSs (DSes? DSsses?). Main discussion topic for the journey: Was The Dark Knight actually any good? The verdict: yeah, sort of.

11.04am: Hotel Urban is decorated with lots of rather strange African artwork. Some of the rooms are still being cleaned – because this is Spain and even the maids like to chill out, apparently. We kill time by slobbing in expensive-looking leather chairs and gawking at some freaky looking tribal sculptures.

11.11am: One of my fellow hacks informs me that there is a conspiracy theory about the time 11.11 – apparently it has something to do with the human body synchronising itself with numerical systems. “It’s like that Jim Carrey film, ‘Number 23’. Only less crap.”

12.10pm: Our posse finally arrives at Shoko – the swanky club venue that will host this year’s European Superstar Challenge. Assorted media types are milling around in the street outside, since the entrance to the building is being guarded by a rather fierce-looking ape man in a suit. I decide to take some photos of two scally-ish blokes who are putting up a banner. Using the camera requires both hands, so I leave my water bottle on a nearby ledge.

12.20pm: Uh-oh. The bouncer-ape man has found my bottle, and he’s not pleased. He picks it up by the tip – as if it were something that fell out of a dog’s arse – and heads for the nearest bin. I decide that I will not ask for it back.

12.21pm: I notice that my fellow journalists have already been inside to collect their press passes, and are now proudly clutching red goody-bags. I stand in front of the bouncer and look pathetic until he eventually lets me in.

12.29pm: I join the queue to collect my credentials. Two European journos are in front of me – one bloke who looks like a game show host, and a rotund bearded man with an enormous video camera. They appear to be arguing with the pretty Spanish ladies behind the front desk. I don’t speak the local lingo, but it seems like there’s some kind of problem. Beardy looks like he’s going to cry. I wish someone would give him a hug.

12.35pm: My turn! I collect my pass, which has my name spelled correctly for once. But what’s this?! No goody bag! I politely ask if I can have one. “Eh, you bag is in you hotel room.” But that can’t be right, I say. I don’t even have a hotel room yet. “Si, it’s in your room.” BUT YOU GAVE ALL MY FRIENDS ONE! “Si! Is in your room.” Now it’s my turn to cry.

12.40pm: The event doesn’t start for a while, so I rejoin the rest of the group at a bar around the corner. THQ PR man hands me a rather scary-looking legal form that must be signed before I can take any photos of WWE’s wrestlers – or Superstars, as they prefer to be called. I scribble my name down – but not before I’ve managed to spill beer on the paper. I suspect this may hurt my case, should I end up in court.

1.04pm: We’re finally allowed into Shoko, and are swiftly herded into the press area upstairs. We’re in large room with a bar with an enormous glass window that overlooks the arena below, where the Challenge will later take place. Everyone gets stuck into free beer, and a buffet lunch that includes deep-fried olives stuffed with cheese – presumably aimed at all the pregnant women in attendance.

1.25pm: Bad news: the Superstars have been delayed by an hour! I decide to kill time by trying out SmackDown VS Raw 2009 using one of the demo pods at the side of the room. I challenge one of the other hacks to a few Ladder Matches.

2.04pm: Well, the game seems pretty fun. It’s been a while since I’ve played a SmackDown game, but this seemed to follow a familiar learning curve: the ten minutes felt a bit chaotic and out of control, but things improved after that. Smacking your mate in the face with a ladder is always fun, though it took ages to actually climb the damn thing and grab the belt. Both the matches I played took quite a while, in fact – but I suspect this is at least partly due to me being a bit crap. The wrestler models are large and look pretty decent, I thought. A few people in our group seemed to think that the 360 version had a slight edge over the PS3 in terms of looks; I’m not sure about this, since I didn’t see enough of the Xbox build.

2.35pm: More canapés. More beer. More sleep-deprived headaches.

2.55pm: The Superstars have arrived! Two rather strange Spanish celebrities take to the mini-stage of the press area; one of them looks like a slightly fatter version of William Shatner. They start twittering away as the wrestlers enter the room and everyone dives for their camera. The hosts conduct a few mini-interviews in rather broken English. Are Cryme Tyme planning to steal the Challenge Trophy, asks Shatner? No, says the man known as JTG. They’re going to win it anyway. Stirring words indeed!

3.10pm: Members of the press are now arranged around tables, according to the country they come from. Superstars are to rotate between each table, giving us five minutes to ask questions on mass. Cryme Tyme will be the first visitors to the UK table.

3.15pm: JTG and his enormous tag-partner, Shad, seem like good guys. They’re certainly friendly. JTG is a bit upset that his in-game wrester rating has gone down by two points since last year’s SmackDown VS Raw release. On the whole, he likes the game – but he thinks that the guy who does his motion capture could do a better job of copying his signature dance. Meanwhile Shad, who appears to be addicted to Red Bull, is keen to serve up some banter for rival wrester, Kofi Kingston. “Ask Kofi why Cryme Tyme always gives him the gas!”. I’m not sure I fully understand what he’s saying… does Kofi have some kind of farting problem?

3.20pm: Next up, we get Kofi himself – alongside the “straight-edge” Superstar, CM Punk. Again, they both seem like nice chaps. Kofi says he’s going to give Cryme Tyme a run for their money in the competition, but again his attitude is fairly light-hearted – we’re certainly not getting the serious smack-talk that some people expected. CM Punk also seems to be an extremely laid-back guy who really enjoys his job – although he did promise “a Kill Bill-style revenge streak” as part of his efforts to regain his World Heavyweight Championship title from Chris Jericho.

3.25pm: A loud noise signals that it’s time for the wrestlers to move table once again. CM Punk is unimpressed, describing it as “the biggest sissy gong” he’s ever heard.

3.26pm: It’s hard to tell if Chris Jericho is “in character” or whether he’s just less media friendly than the previous stars. He’s perfectly polite, but he seems less enthusiastic about being here. He keeps his shades down, his huge arms on the table, and his head hunched forward in a “Hey, am I bothered?” style pose. His interview partner, Santino Marella, is far more entertaining – answering our questions with colourful boasts and swaggering. “I don’t need to reinvent myself, because I’m perfect!” he says. “I’m improving like wine. The question is: how good am I going to get?”

3.31pm: Clearly saving the best till last, our table receives a visit from a trio of lovely WWE Divas: Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle and Mickey James. One journalist immediately puts the rest of us to shame by exchanging a few chummy words with Kelly Kelly – it turns out he knows her mum! Still, the ladies are very smiley and pleasant to all of us – they seem to be in good spirits. Kelly tells us she used to have a SNES; Candice has a Wii but says she’s not very good at playing it. “It’s very complicated! It used to be there were just two or four buttons, now there are like 20 buttons!” I’m not sure what console Candice has been playing (a calculator, perhaps?) but I get the impression she may struggle in the forthcoming competition. Still, she promises she has some tricks up her sleeve…

3.45pm: With the interview over, I try to get through a door that will give me access to a balcony overlooking the arena. No dice – there’s another bouncer in the way, and he won’t be budged. Drat!

4.00pm: The large glass window at the edge of the bar is rolled to one side, allowing everyone a perfect view of the room below. There’s a console on stage with two large plasma screens either side. The crowd below looks quite excited – and with good reason: The Superstar Challenge is about to kick off. Meanwhile, us media types are sucking up some weird lemon sorbet thing served in shot glasses.

4.05pm: Shatner and his mate walk out on stage. With their slippery grip on the English language, they introduce “SmackDown VS Raoul 2009”. LOL, LOL and, indeed, LMAO.

4.09pm: Chris Jericho appears. “I am the best at everything I do, that’s why I am the world heavyweight champion,” he modestly opines. “And I am also the best video gamer in the entire world.” Unfortunately, Chris then refuses to play the game – leaving the championship a player short. Chris explains that this means that the entire event is cancelled! Oh noes!

4.10pm: Kelly Kelly bravely says that she’ll take Jericho’s place. The crowd cheers. We love you Kelly!

4.15pm: The tournament starts with Kofi Kingston savaging poor Kelly in a matter of moments, finishing her off with his signature move – Trouble in Paradise. The Diva is left dazed. “He beat the crap outta me! I don’t believe it!”

4.20pm: Candice takes on Mickey James. It would appear that Mickey is quite vocal when she gets down to business (ahem), with plenty of yelling and shrieking. Funnily enough, this is still rather entertaining. Both girls struggle with the controls for a bit, but Mickey finally finds her stride and batters seven shades out of her opponent. Candice is eventually knocked out of the ring and is counted out. Victory to Mickey!

4.29pm: Cryme Tyme are forced to turn against each other, as JTG takes on Shad – the latter slugging down another can of Red Bull. It’s immediately apparent that these guys are much better at video games than the ladies were. Shad takes the upper hand, delivering three elbow drops to his friend’s face. This onslaught helps to fill his power meter, but it appears that he’s forgotten how to store his Finishing Move (you push L1 and L2, dummy!). JTG starts to pull himself back into the game, but Shad finally works out what he’s supposed to do and pins his team-mate.

4.35pm: JTG explains that his tactic was to “play possum”. I don’t think that works in games like this, Jay. At any rate, Shad seems visibly moved by the moment.

4.38pm: The next match-up will see Santino take on CM Punk. While Mr Straight Edge starts shouting about the currently-injured Randy Orton, Santino seizes an opportunity to have a play fight with Kelly Kelly. Settle down, children!

4.42pm: The on-stage horseplay descends into an impromptu popularity contest, hosted by Punk. He gestures at Kelly, and the crowd roars! He gestures at Santino, and the crowd boos! The people of Spain have spoken.

4.45pm: The match finally gets under way. As a gamer, Santino proves himself to be almost as vocal as Mickey and Candice – yet somehow his yells are less appealing. Funny, that…

4.47pm: Santino is knocked out of the ring and struggles to get back in, until a referee in a striped shirt runs across to help him with the controls.

4.49pm: With a cry of “In your face!”, CM Punk sends his boot into Santino’s, um, face. The Italian star is thrown from the ring. Again. Punk follows him and continues the beat down on the arena floor. The referee stars counting….

4.50pm: …and at the count of 10, BOTH players are disqualified. Time for a rematch.

4.51pm: The match begins again, but this time it’s Santino who dominates. He’s not pulling off many proper wrestling moves, but he’s showering Punk with punches and kicks. Then the tables turn, and CM takes charge.

4.54pm: The Spanish crowd has gone a bit quiet… this match is taking absolutely ages!

4.55pm: In a burst of activity, CM Punk floors Santino with his finishing move. Victory is there for the taking, all he has to do is pin – but CM can’t find the right button! In the nick of time he falls upon his opponent, and the ref counts three. It’s over… finally!

4.56pm: The first semi-final begins, and Kofi makes short work of Mickey James – despite a shock moment when Mickey tries to quit the game and access the PlayStation Network. “That was supposed to be a joke!” she explains.

4.59pm: What does Mickey think of the game, asks Shatner: “It’s great!” she replies. “But I think my lips are a bit smaller than the ones they given me in the game!”

5.05pm: Semi final two: Shad strides on stage to fight CM Punk. He’s drinking another can of Red Bull – how much Taurine can one man take?! Maybe he should just get a couple of bovine testicles and suck on ’em like humbugs. At any rate, now we know why he’s so huge.

5.07pm: The Red Bull appears to be working – CM punk is swiftly defeated. “I’m more of a Donkey Kong guy,” he explains.

5.10pm: Time for the final: Kofi Kingston and Shad stand in front of each other and pose for a moment. Kofi isn’t the biggest of wrestlers; he looks tiny next to the Cryme Tyme giant!

5.12pm: Well, one thing is for certain – Shad and Kofi are certainly the best at this game. Both men give it their best effort, with plenty of decent moves being pulled off on both sides. Kofi pulls off his finishing move twice, but on both occasions Shad escapes his Jamaican opponent’s pin. This is going to be close.

5.15pm: It’s over! After delivering a finisher of his own, Shad has emerged victorious! Kofi turns his back on the crowd in shame as Shad pulls off his top and drops to his knees in celebration. We’re not sure if he’s actually that pleased to have won a video game competition, but he’s certainly putting on a good show. He also thanks Kofi for teaching him to play SmackDown Vs Raw in the first place. What a guy!

5.20pm: Shad is presented with his trophy, and holds it aloft in glee. The Spanish crowd cheers its champion, then Shatner and his cohort hurl a selection of prizes out into the audience. Everyone wants a souvenir, and a small riot breaks out.

5.24pm: Shad returns to the press area for a quick photo call, then we’re whisked away in taxis. The European Superstar Challenge is over for another year. It’s been both fun and strangely exhausting – who would have thought that it could be so tiring to watch other people play games. Still, the day is young. We’re off for food now, then later we’ll be heading to Madrid’s Plaza de Toros stadium – where we’ll watch the Superstars wrestle for real. In the cab, discussion quickly turns to important matters – like why UFC is so cool, and which foreign country has the best McDonald’s. Apparently it’s the Philippines. Ah, the life of a video game journalist…

WWE SmackDown VS RAW 2009 is due out on Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, DS and PSP on November 7. For more images from the event check out the gallery.