The PlayStation Conspiracy: The exclusive and shocking truth about the PlayStation Neo

We at VideoGamer have always tried to bring you the exclusives that matter, and today is no different. Using the same source that supplied us with the full details of Sony’s E3 conference ahead of time we are now able to give you the full details on the PlayStation Neo, and the truth will shock you to your core.

To understand the truth we have to take you back to the very beginning. It starts with John F. Kennedy. For years people have known that there was more to JFK’s death, and that there was a second gunman on the grassy knoll responsible for the assassination. A photo taken of the knoll from shortly after the shooting shows the silhouette of a man leaving the scene, and by enhancing it it using modern techniques we can see the message subtly written on the man’s jacket:

A similar tactic was used in later years: the moon landings flag has ‘better on Neo’ clearly stitched along one of the hemlines. The fact that both these events happened literal decades before either Sony PlayStation or Microsoft were incorporated is hard to believe, but using occam’s razor we can come to only one conclusion: at some point in the future Sony PlayStation will invent a branded time machine (or, possibly, and following a more complex theory, PSVR will evolve to allow people to see and interact with the past through the fourth dimension and using the Move controllers).

Once these events were connected to PlayStation people began looking back through history and discovered that Sony PlayStation has been involved in every major event in our recent history. The Titanic? Turns out some high ranking Sony execs invested in that film [citation needed], but in order for them to profit there needed to be a film in the first place. PlayStation ensured that the Titanic went down like J.D. on Thelma. Over a thousand people died because of CAPITALISM. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the Montreal Screwjob happened the same year the original PlayStation was released in Korea, a country legendarily associated with both playing video games definitely not on PC and pro-wrestling? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

Then there’s chemtrails. We all know about them. Maybe until now you’ve just ignored them. But it’s time to start looking up. People who aren’t Sony Truthers may try to convince you that it’s simple chemical warfare, but the reality is far more sinister. What’s actually being sprayed into the atmosphere are the tiny spores of controlled, bioengineered cordyceps fungus, which is gradually lodging in our sinuses and sending tiny root structures into our brains. Eventually, when enough of us are hosts to mature forms of the fungus, Sony will be able to control our shopping habits almost entirely. How do we know Sony is behind this? Well, what was the fungus that played a central role in the plot of The Last of Us? And what console is The Last of Us exclusive to? That’s right: Cordyceps, only on motherf***ing PlayStation. Naming it the ‘Neo’ is their cruel joke: a device that is the culmination of consumer control named after the messiah who triumphs over machines in probably documentary series The Matrix. Now you’re starting to understand.

I bet you’re thinking that this doesn’t make sense. Why would Sony, a capitalist company, assassinate a President whose term was marked by tensions with communism? Why is it so easy to make connections between PlayStation and the Gay/Jewish/Gay-Jewish Mafia that is obviously controlling the world from Hollywood (why else would Sony back so many cinematic games? Cinematic = cinema = films = Hollywood, DUH) when it’s a company based in Japan? The answer is terrifying: we just don’t know. Conspiracies don’t have to make sense to be true, because the truth is a liar sometimes.

Lets bring together what we know for sure: that PlayStation develop a time machine in the future, and appear to be using that to make sure history happens in the past so they can make sure they eventually build a time machine. That they are deliberately constructing the CAPITALIST NIGHTMARE in which we live so that they can prosper. That part of that is a plan to influence our very desires. It all points to one thing:

The Neo is a slightly better PS4 designed to get us to spend money.

You’re floored. I know. We couldn’t believe it either. Watch the PS4 Neo reveal live, tonight at 8pm BST.