Top 10: Ways To Survive GTA 4

Can you think of anything bigger than the launch of GTA 4 on April 29? We sure can’t and we’re already putting together our plan for how to best play the game while also getting some work done. We want you guys to get the most out of the game too though, so we’ve put together our Top 10: Ways To Survive GTA 4. Our simple to follow 10 steps will get you prepared for the big day and get you through it without incident. So panic no more, GTA 4 wonderment is just around the corner and we’ve got you covered.

Cancel everything

Few games can match the monumental hype of a new GTA, so it’s worth going the whole hog. If you’ve got time, book a week off work and cancel all your plans. That trip to the Science Museum might have sounded ok a few weeks back, but it’ll take away valuable gaming time. University students are in the best situation though. The way we see it, lectures rarely cover things that you can’t read in a book, and they’re just not going to fit in with your new sleeping pattern anyway. Tutorials are slightly different, but unless you’re expecting some info on coursework these can probably be skipped too. To be honest, if you’re taking a cool new trendy course, your lecturers are probably expecting you to skip class anyway. School kids shouldn’t even be playing the game, so go to school and pick up the game when you’re a few years older.

Gaming nourishment

Being well fed and watered during your mammoth GTA 4 gaming session is essential, so you’re going to want to get fully stocked up with snacks and drinks – a few microwave meals might not be healthy, but they’re quick to cook. You could just go for your typical snack food, with a Pizza delivery in the evening for your main meal, but you could eat like Niko would. We know he’s an Easter European, and from our extensive research (Google) we’d recommend plenty of energy drinks (Red Bull is apparently a favourite), beer, wine and whisky. That little combination is likely cause all kinds of pain, so you might be better off going for a more traditional American fast-food diet (GTA 4 is set in the US after all), consisting of some tasty burgers, M&Ms and good old Cola. It might even be worth getting one of those drink dispensing hats.

Stay awake longer

Any serious gamer can play long into the night, but it might be worth going the extra mile for GTA 4. What we suggest is adapting your sleep pattern (perhaps even adopting Polyphasic sleep) so you can maximise your time with the game. Power naps are very handy, and those energy drinks you’ll be drinking will likely help too. If you’ve got the spare cash a nice comfy reclining chair would be perfect, and make sure you have a blanket near by. Alternatively a Slanket would do the job very well too.

Optimise your experience

Right. We know HD TVs cost a fair amount of cash, but if there’s ever been a time to plump for one of those beauties you see in the window of the electronics store you pass every day, it’s now. How you get the funds to buy this new TV is the tricky part. By our thinking, we reckon GTA 4 will be the only game you’re going to want to play for quite some time, so why not sell off some of your game collection – you’ll probably get a tidy sum for that Wii you only use to play Mario Kart and you can always buy it again when Smash Bros. Brawl is released later in the year. If you really can’t justify the expense, make sure your new HD TV-owning best mate knows you’ll be staying for a while. If they’ve got a nice surround sound set-up, even better.

Prepare for battle

When you’re done with the single-player campaign, which isn’t going to be any time soon, you’ll want to venture online. It’s essential you’re ready to go when the time arrives. On Xbox 360 you’re going to need an Xbox LIVE Gold account. If you’ve just bought you’re Xbox 360 you’ll get one month free, but everyone else will need to buy a subscription. It’s well worth it though. On PlayStation 3 you’ll need to make sure you’ve got your PSN account set-up and then you’re pretty much ready to roll. It might be worth practicing your best Eastern European accent too, just for that authentic feeling when trash talking online.

Controller issues

This one might seem minor, but only this morning did we fall foul of such a nightmarish situation. On Xbox 360 you’ve got a few options. The most basic is to have a stash of spare batteries, but this could prove costly, especially if you opt for the latest in battery technology. You could buy a charge kit, which effectively makes your wireless controller rechargeable. For ultimate safety we recommend having another charge pack charged and ready to go in case of emergencies. Or, if you can sit close enough to your console, a wired controller would solve all your problems.

On PS3 you’ve got the Sixaxis or Dual Shock 3 to choose from, although the Dual Shock isn’t available yet in Europe. Both are fully rechargeable, but the USB lead they ship with is tiny. Our tip is to plug the lead into a laptop if you have one, therefore allowing you to charge without sitting a few feet from your console.

Don’t miss your favourite shows

GTA 4 is going to dominate your leisure time for a good chunk of your immediate future, so you need to make sure you don’t miss those vital episodes of your favourite TV shows. Sky+ is what we’d recommend for UK gamers. It can record two shows at once, so unless you really do watch every program on TV you should be covered. We can’t really help our US readers, but Tivo seems popular, so hopefully that’ll do the trick. With live sport (the Premier League is coming to its conclusion) you’ll have to make a judgement call. You could use picture in picture (if your TV supports it) so you can play GTA and watch the game, or take 90 minutes out of gaming. This could also serve as time to eat.

Block access to gaming forums

Spoilers are always a danger when a new game is released, and with every man and his dog (assuming the dog is aged 18 or older) likely to be playing and talking about GTA 4 come April 29 you can bet the internet will be rife with info you don’t want to know. Internet forums are by far the biggest danger you’ll face, so you have two choices: You can avoid forums completely from April 28 (a few people might get hold of the game early) or take a risk and make an effort to just avoid potentially spoiler filled threads. It’s a dangerous game though, as it only takes one idiot to post an off-topic spoiler message and the game is blown wide open.

Know your friends

Let me tell you a story. During the fifth season of 24 I was innocently checking who was online on my MSN list. What I saw was beyond horrific. The fate of one of the main characters was spelled out before me, and one of the most dramatic moments of that series was ruined. We don’t want that to happen to you with GTA 4, so make sure you know which of your friends is likely to be a little too keen to tell the world about what amazing events take place in the game. Ideally avoid online chat programs completely and only answer the phone if you absolutely have to. An answering machine is also a potential threat, so disconnect that if you have any particularly dastardly friends.

Respect your housemates

This might not be your primary concern and perhaps hard to believe, but chances are some of the people you live with don’t care one bit about GTA 4. Chances are they’ll probably not take well to your descent into slobdom and monopoly of the TV. You can prevent housemates going mental and sacrificing a goat over your lovely console by doing a few simple things: If it’s late, put on some headphones; if someone wants to use the lounge TV, make sure you’ve got a set-up ready to go in your bedroom; open a window to let some fresh air in; don’t use the floor as a dust bin; and if there are kids in the house, try to avoid calling that guy who shot a rocket up your arse exactly what you think of him. It’s all simple stuff, and should help your time with GTA 4 go nice and smoothly.

If you’re planning on getting GTA 4 let us know what you’re doing to prepare in the comments section below.