Goat Simulator Parch 1.1 is now available as a free download, bringing much more than just game optimisations, developer Coffee Stain Studios has announced.

The major additions are:

  • A whole new playable map, said to be roughly the size of the old map
  • Local splitscreen multiplayer, enabling up to four goats on one machine at the same time!
  • New game modes. Capture the Flag, Racing Mode and Ragdoll Hockey
  • Goat wall-running and balancing on your front legs
  • You will be able to ride bicycles and skateboards
  • New playable goats, including Tornado Goat, Shopping Goat, Classy Goat, Repulsive Goat, and more!
  • Optimization, achievements, and more.

Coffee Stain also appears to have had a bit of fun with the full patch notes, which you can see below:

- Added local splitscreen multiplayer 

- Added a new map, try it out in the "custom game" section 

- The humans have been given a brain with the cognitive abilities of a 4 year old 

- Humans consequently learned to speak. You'll wish they hadn't. 

- Added more goats 

- Made fun of Michael Bay. Again. Please don't sue. 

- Added more powers 

- Fixed the hitbox of flappy goat 

- Poured several buckets full of Optimization™ into the game 

- Made sure no class differences exists in Goat City Bay 

- Added tons of achievements 

- You can now run along walls 

- You can now run up walls 

- Stand by for Goatfall 

- Changed batteries in our fire alarm 

- The Goats have learned to ride bikes, press R to mount. 

- The Goats have learned to ride longboards, press R to mount. 

- The Humans have learned how to ride Goats 

- Enjoyed flappy goat 

- You can now buy hats for money 

- This woman made her skin look 20 years younger DOCTORS HATE HER click here 

- Fixed display of Int enchantments on crafted gear 

- Applying plastic wrap around your screen will now give you a 3D-effect. 

- Added VR support 

- Reverted hitbox of flappy goat 

- Made hitbox worse on flappygoat 

- Removed Flappy Goat, I hate that fucking game. 

- Got 11 points on Flappy Goat; readded Flappy Goat. 

- Spent more time writing jokes about Flappy Goat than working on the patch 

- Changed the points required for the Flappy Goat Achievement from 10 to 30 

- Just kidding

- Removed VR support 

- Ultra-realistic water simulation 

- Fire alarm still beeping 

- You can now swim. Well not really swim, more like float around in a semi-controlled buoyant propulsion fashion. 

- Added volume slider in options for NPC speech. 

- Deadmau5 has finally left EDM. Is now making Goatronica. 

- We went to see Godzilla. It was ok. Cool sound effects. 

- Updated patch notes. 

- Added a lot of new sound effects. 

- Mary had a little ... GOAT!? Historians uncover new evidence, click here! 

- There is a new game inside of the game, it's called SteamWorld Goat. 

- Honored Notch 

- Changed batteries in fire alarm. Again. 

- Wanted to add shadows to buildable blocks but couldn't figure out how, can someone please tell us? 

- Patch notes now covers more than an A4. 

- Seriously stop making threads asking about patch notes 4 seconds after the patch goes live, calm down 

- Game downloading, does anyone have the patch notes? 

New patch? 

- Patch released today does anyone know what it does 

- Where are the patch notes 

- Fire alarm still beeping 

- Why is the patch so big? 

- Lazy devs. 

- If you want we can zip it, then rar it to make it smaller. Do you want it on Megaupload? 

- Is this game worth it? Should I buy? 

- Devs please put the game on a sale so I can save 4 bucks 

- I don't like ___, please add an option to remove ___ 

- Performed Satanic rituals to summon Phil Fish 

- Plz come back 

- Actually optimized the game a bit 

- What use are ladders when you can run on the walls? 

- I hate water 

- Played a whole lot of Wildstar 

- Volvo pls fix ___. 

- Added a Capture the Flag game mode. 

- Added Uncle Goat, I'm sorry about my Goat. 

- Added a Capture the Flag game mode. 

- Added five new colors, all of which are unseeable by the human eye. 

- We actually bought a stuffed goat head IRL for our office, we have no idea what to do with it. 

- Updated our Meta Score to 91/100. 

- Killed PC gaming 

- How long will the patch notes be? 

- Changed batteries in the other fire alarm 

- Increased Storm Spirit's Static Remnant AoE by 15.

Now feels like the correct time to repost this gem.

Source: Press release