What Kojima did next – His PS4 game (not) revealed

Hideo Kojima is back! Which is a relief, I must say. I was beginning to believe that the 52 year old director was dead, or at the very least still chained to a radiator at Konami HQ. He’s not, as his love-in with Andrew House clearly proves, although the fact he’s grown a little beard clearly speaks of some sort of captivity.

Anyway, Kojima’s partnership with Sony is exciting for everyone involved, particularly House, who was so pleased with the whole thing he nearly snapped all his teeth grinning. Kojima’s games have such a long-running association with PlayStation that they often feel like PS exclusives, even though are clearly not. Allowing the two parties to work closely seems to be a net win for everyone that doesn’t make Metal Gear Solid.

With that in mind, here are a few guesses at what Kojima will do next. This is purely speculative, of course, but I reckon at least one of these will be right on the money.

Hideo Kojima Presents: Hideo Kojima Extreme Beach Volleyball

An obvious move, this. Kojima has been wanting to do a beach volleyball game for years, yet couldn’t due to his nasty overseers at Konami constantly coming into the office and demanding he adds a proper game around all the leering and lechery. A shocking breach of trust, I’m sure you’ll agree. Freed from those bonds, Kojima can now run wild and free. Bonus: with DoA Extreme Beach Volleyball being a long-standing Xbox classic, Sony can now produce its own take on thinly-veiled wank fodder.

Hideo Kojima Presents: Hideo Kojima Escapes From A Company That Is similar To But Legally Distinct From Konami, A Hideo Kojima game

The Great Escape is one of Hideo Kojima’s favourite movies, and a key influence on the Metal Gear series. Sony has already said that Kojima won’t be working on MGS, but that doesn’t mean he can’t work on other escape-and-evasion based titles.

One idea which I think he’ll go for is something close to his heart: that of a genius creator trapped in a dungeon of his own creation, deciding to escape to a better life. The title will probably feature a dour, humourless CEO of a pachinko company, who enslaves his workers and beats them mercilessly until they create great games. A stealth game with a hint of action, the lead character will be a departure from the norm: an unassuming looking middle-aged man with great power, probably Japanese. Also starring Yoji Shinkawa.

Hideo Kojima Presents: Hideo Kojima’s House of Horrors

Another obvious one, given the aborted Silent Hills project. Will Kojima get del Toro and Junji Ito back on board, given how vocal the internet has been about a game they never played? Admittedly, it is an intriguing mix of styles and characters, much like when Gazza turned up to meet Raoul Moat. Can Kojima pull off horror? Does Horror even want to be pulled off? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Or in five years. Either one.

Hideo Kojima Presents: Hideo Kojima’s Secret Mech Game

Known for pulling the wool over the eyes of players, then kicking them in the balls and stomping on their heads while he impugns the reputation of their mothers, Kojima won’t be afraid to start his next game as one thing – say, a farm simulator, where players must learn the value of love and life while attending to cows and horses, one of which harbours a secret love for the player, but can love really blossom on the farm…field? – before BAM, halfway through it turns into a mech game, with the horse you’ve fallen in love with in the preceding 30 hours turning into a giant anime character, much like what happened to Michael Jackson in Moonwalker. Yes.

Hideo Kojima: Presents: Translation Trouble, with Hideo Kojima

Tense strategy title as your translator gets caught out deliberately changing what you’ve said by a Japanese-speaking journalist, and you have to decide whether to keep the lie going, attempt to cover it up, or call the interview to a close. A modern-day LA Noire of sorts, set in the finest meeting rooms the world has to offer. Up to four players.

Hideo: Kojima: Presents: Hideo Kojima’s Presents

Charming infiltration-based Christmas game where players take on the role of Kojima, as the legend himself delivers presents to underprivileged soldiers of fortune. Tense stealth action as players decide how to enter the various houses and drop off their wares, without the gruff residents hearing a noise downstairs and instantly, reflexively blowing him away/discovering that Santa is in fact a fifty-something Japanese developer.

Hideo Kojima Presents: Gardening Leave with Hideo Kojima

Twee Animal Crossing-alike where you have to hide in your house and pretend you’re dead, occasionally tweeting your fans to let them know you’re not. For ages 3 and up.