The best and worst Doom box art of all time

By now you probably know that the box art for Doom 2016 has been revealed, and that said box art is very, very bad. Perhaps realising this, Bethesda is currently running a poll to see what it should, by way of a classic non-apology apology, print on the reverse of the retail cover to shut up all the crying children. The problem is those choices are also not great. Not a great situation, but then, it could be worse…

Doom3 – PC, 2004

Look at this s***e. Honestly, what is going on here? Why is there a claymation bad guy yawning? What does this possibly say about the game? That it’s not very good? Well, fair enough: Doom3 was piss. In case you missed it at the time, it was a Doom game where you spend most of your time reading emails instead of shooting faces off to Not-Metallica. What a f***ing embarrassment.

Nu-Doom – PC, PS4, Xbox One, 2016

Yeah, this isn’t great either, but at least it looks like the marine is in focus. Let’s face it, this cover was chosen because the men in suits thought it would sell to people who recognise other games which also have shooting, armour, and perhaps the colour green in them. It’s fine. This box art isn’t going to slip out of the case in the middle of the night and stick a flashlight in your mouth. Besides, most of you are going to be buying it digitally. Digital games don’t have boxes. It’ll be fine.

Final Doom – PC, PSOne, 1996

Yeah, at this point even id seemed to be tired of Doom.

Doom64 – N64, 1997

Better, but still not amazing. The problem with Doom64’s box is the problem with Doom64: it is utterly forgettable. The only thing anyone remembers about Doom64 is that, thanks to the power of silicon workstations, every enemy in the game looked like it was made out of Play-Doh by your little brother in a particularly mean-spirited pre-school show and tell session.

Doom – Saturn, 1997

Hmmm. Well, this one captures the appeal of Doom – horns, fire, skulls – but then again it also has the misfortune of appearing on one of those horrible Saturn boxes. A commendable effort nonetheless, much like the Saturn version of the game, which tried its best before realising it was attempting fast 3D on a system best known for 2D fighting games, lightgun shooters, and causing more angst in executive suites than a drunk ED-209.

Doom – PSOne, 1995

What a cracker. I mean, just look at it. Look at it. It’s so good that I’ve written about it before, and will probably write about it every year for the rest of my life. This cover is so incredibad that I actually think the person who created it also invented the concept of evil, but I love it all the same.

Master Levels for Doom II – PC, 1995

Yeah, this is more like it: twisted skulls crying out in agony, perhaps based on a file photo of every single person who had the misfortune of playing SNES Doom, which had a frame rate roughly resembling ‘Mattel View-Master’.

Doom II – PC, 1994

A classic, really, even if DoomGuy looks like he’s been hanging out with Marouane Chamakh.

Doom – PC, 1993

The original and best, just like the game that came along with it, this box art really captures what the original Doom was all about. Hell! Mars! Buff abdominals! Demons! Demons turning around and giving you a playful look! The sort of look which says ‘Hey, you’! The sort of look which says ‘I’m just gonna kill this guy and then maybe we can hang out, catch a movie’! The sort of look which says ‘I’m not looking for any commitment, but that’s cool, I know you’re not either’! The sort of look which says ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, killing dudes and being a demon and s***, then you don’t deserve me at my best, when I help out at Wood Green and serve soup to the homeless on Christmas Day’!

Ahem. Sorry. What was I saying? Ah, yes. A true classic.