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FIFA 14
Luis Suarez is ābanned from taking part in any kind of football-related activity (administrative, sports or any other)ā. So does that mean he canāt play FIFA? And if not, who the hell is going to keep an eye on him?
We imagine the Liverpool striker will be allowed to play EAās long-running franchise, though, so chin up, Luis. You can win the World Cup on there instead. Itās practically the same. If you go online, too, people will still call you a ā****ā. Just like beforeā¦
VideoGamer realises in hindsight the game shouldāve been PES because āSuarez hates FIFAā. Weāve let ourselves, and you, down.
Castlevania
As well as football, we imagine Suarez is banned from biting as well. Given how fond of it he is, that could be a bigger blow than being kicked out of the ābeautiful gameā for four months.
With this in mind, Castlevania would be a good alternative as it has Dracula in it. Because he bites people. As heās a vampire.
Yep. Thatās all weāve got.
Stillā¦
Jaws Unleashed
Sharks like to bite people. Fact. Jaws is the biggest of the sharks, and therefore, one would assume, both the keenest biter and the one with the biggest bite. Once more we think our old pal Luis will easily find a common ground here, and it will also cheer him up no end.
Why? Because Jaws Unleashed is one of the funniest games you could ask to play due to it being so terrible ā everything comes full circle.
Nightbreed
Based on a movie by Clive Barker, a significant part of Nightbreed asked that you waggled the stick to run from one end of the screen to the other. If you didnāt waggle hard enough, some dude chasing you gets on your ass and sinks his teeth into your shoulder.
Not only could this teach the Uruguayan a thing or two about retro games, but he could stare lovingly at his kindred spirit, all the while remembering when he too was hunting people down and chewing them outā¦
Pac-Man
Pac-Man has got to be Luis Suarezās hero. That mother f**ker literally just tries to eat things all day. The entire point of the game is to put things in Pac-Manās mouth and chew them up.
Maybe someone told Suarez that Pac-Man is where all of todayās rules come from. Donāt mess with ghosts unless youāre high, and bite anything you want.
Makes senseā¦
Resident Evil
That picture says it all, doesnāt it? Luis Suarez may even see this image and sue Capcom thinking they have breached his image rights.
The remake on the GameCube is still pretty damn good, too, so at least thatāll keep our man entertained. Plus heāll be on the opposite end of the biting. So he may learn a lesson. Because letās face it: banning him from football clearly doesnāt help anything or anyone!
Whoās next?