Star Trek screenshot
Star Trek screenshot

Star Trek is an inspirational game. Not in a good way, of course. But it is so immensely tiresome, so poor and such a cash-in that it has inspired me to change the way I review games, for one night only, and take the same approach to reviewing the game that it does to your time: put loads of bad things in linear succession.

Things that are good about Star Trek:

- Chris Pine's face is nicely rendered.

Star Trek screenshot

- The opening of the game contains a reference to this scene in Rocky III.

- Some of the zero-gravity stuff when you're outside of a ship is nice to look at.

Things that are bad about Star Trek:

- You play as a missile at one point, fired from the USS Enterprise. This is not a joke. When the missile hits its target, it crashes into it with all the venom of a rubber swimming float gently lapping into the side of a lane-swim only swimming pool. All combat is this empty. There's more force in One Direction's lyrics.

- Speaking of combat: while there's nothing wrong with making a cover-based third-person shooter, the trick is to make the guns diverse, the stages interesting, and the AI not very, very stupid. Predictably, none of these things happen. Kirk might as well be firing a Nerf gun, the levels are variations on dull, sterile spaceship corridor/brown alien world, and Spock's cold logic and reasoning obviously doesn't extend to 'not running in front of ALL THE TURRETS'. As for your enemies: sometimes they totally ignore what you're doing, as if they know you've suffered enough. One sub-boss even went so far as to keep pulling out explosives from a box for you to shoot.

Star Trek screenshot

- Graphically, the game looks like an early 360 title, upscaled. As such, everyone has scary glass eyes and animate like Gerry Anderson puppets. Attempts at emotion look like freeze-frames of the Scanners head explosion, and the lip-synching makes even Ashlee Simpson look good.

- There are loads of moments when you have to do the really...slow...Gears...walk...thing. And if not, Kirk and Spock run as if they are in one of those nightmares where you're desperately trying to get away but no matter how fast you run The Terminator is still right BEHIND YOU.

- The rest of the game's animation is hardly any better. Kirk and Spock jump like overextended Stretch Armstrongs thrown into a zero-g environment, and overall it feels like your avatar is a suit filled with Play-Doh that you've got to keep upright enough to make it through the level.

- Kirk can walk right through Spock, further enforcing my belief that the Vulcan is simply the other side of his personality.

- There's a mission where you spend a lot of time climbing in and out of vents like a demented chimney sweep called Jesse Vent-ura. Inevitably, Spock falls out of the vent at precisely the wrong moment every single time.

- All the cool stuff happens in the cutscenes, which inevitably start two seconds too early or late.

- Your enemies are Velociraptors...with guns.

Star Trek screenshot

- It's buggy like Mothercare.

- Everything is ultra-static. The film this is being snuck out to tie in with contains less lifeless sets.

- The space-faring section where you play as the USS Enterprise's guns and shoot down enemies that look like bottles of plug-in air freshener – and attack with the same ferocity – is one of the very worst videogame sequence I've played this year.

- There's no urgency. At all. One mission sees a spaceship being destroyed, with our heroes needing to run to the escape pods. Everyone else is standing around, discussing, well, what? The weather? Last night's episode of Space Eastenders? I know the Vulcans are known for their logic, but come on. Gunfights, too, are plotted with the same sense of unreal calm, as if Dimitar Berbatov was laying in the bath listening to pan pipes.

- It somehow makes teleportation guns boring, by marking out exactly where you can shoot your partner, then having to wait before he 'shoots' you onto the same pad.

I could go on, but I won't. It's terrible, and not even 'fun terrible' at that, which is all you need to know.

Version tested PC

Campaign played for 7 hours

3 / 10

  • Zero-g sections look OK
  • Chris Pine's hair looks nice
  • Too many to mention

New stuff to check out

9 Comments

To add your comment, please login or register

User Comments

Laini's Avatar

Laini

I'll probably pick this up when it's cheap. I've seen a few gameplay videos and whilst it's hardly a classic it doesn't seem like the worst movie tie in game.
Posted 20:45 on 28 May 2013
Woffls's Avatar

Woffls

Quote:
Your enemies are Velociraptors...with guns.
Guys I think you put this one in the wrong section.
Posted 13:05 on 27 April 2013
VGSteve's Avatar

VGSteve@ BC_Animus

It's wonderful! On PC, at least. On consoles it probably looks like Lego man hair or something.
Posted 15:05 on 26 April 2013
BC_Animus's Avatar

BC_Animus

Wasn't interested in this game before, but now... I wanna see Chris Pine's hair...
Posted 14:07 on 26 April 2013
raiden_188's Avatar

raiden_188

Ah well. They might release some patches or DLC later on which might improve it. At least i got a free cinema ticket because of preordering it :)
Live long and prosper.
Posted 12:23 on 26 April 2013
pblive's Avatar

pblive

Hah, it's that good? I just hope the movie is a lot better than the game, but the last trailer with the 'Needs of the many' speech had me cringing.
Posted 22:13 on 25 April 2013
DancingRhino's Avatar

DancingRhino

I take exception to velociraptors with guns being a negative! Apart from that, it does sound weak.
Posted 22:09 on 25 April 2013
thewildbeard's Avatar

thewildbeard

I have to say, this kinda surprised me but I'm not THAT surprised. Also, how come the review is in bullet point form?
Posted 21:30 on 25 April 2013
s_h_a_d_o's Avatar

s_h_a_d_o

Thought this might be the case. :|
@vgsteve "... and animate like Gerry Anderson puppets."
Sometimes, not necessarily a bad thing - these guys had me rolling in the aisles back in the '90's. (0:55)
Posted 21:18 on 25 April 2013

Game Stats

Star Trek
3
Out of 10
Star Trek
  • Zero-g sections look OK
  • Chris Pine's hair looks nice
  • Too many to mention
Agree? Disagree? Get Involved!
Release Date: 26/04/2013
Platforms: PC , Xbox 360 , PS3 , iPhone
Developer: Digital Extremes
Publisher: Namco Bandai
Genre: Action
No. Players: 1-2
Rating: PEGI 12+
Site Rank: 14,785 7
View Full Site