When the news filtered into Pro-G HQ that the BBFC had banned the toned down version of gory action game Manhunt 2 despite it being cleared for release in the US, it got us to thinking. As ridiculous a situation as this is, we believe that some games do deserve to be banned, and that being an adult is not enough to help us separate the real from the virtual. The only problem with the Manhunt 2 thing is the BBFC has banned the wrong game. Here we compile the Top 10 games the BBFC should ban instead of Manhunt 2, on account of them scarring our lives forever with bad game design, poor graphics and, well, just being wrong. Read on BBFC guys, you might learn something.

Burnout Paradise screenshot

10. Any Burnout game. In Burnout, you drive sports cars around city streets at ridiculous speeds causing mayhem at every turn. You're encouraged to crash, and when you do, time slows down so you can marvel at your recklessness. Time slows down! If that's not glorifying car crashes I don't know what is. And the worse thing? It's rated 3+ by PEGI. 3+! This game is teaching the next generation of drivers that they can ram head-on into oncoming traffic and somehow look cool doing it. This cannot go on. Ban it BBFC.

Bomberman Live screenshot

9. Bomberman Live, Xbox 360 LIVE Arcade. Bomberman should be banned because it encourages you to kill your enemy with well placed and well timed bombs. Forget Afghanistan. Forget Iran. Xbox LIVE is the biggest and scariest terrorist training facility there is, and Bomberman LIVE is the terrorists' deadly secret weapon. Microsoft should be ashamed of itself for harbouring future terrorists. It should be ashamed of providing such a devastating tool to gamers, so that they might subconsciously learn how to blast God-fearing Westerners into the second coming with flawless execution. I call upon the UN, the EU and the Daily Mail to join my angry mob. Ban time.

Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland screenshot

8. Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland, Nintendo DS. Apart from having to play as the green leotard-wearing Rupee obsessive from the Legend of Zelda series, Tingle's bartering system is about as traumatic as it gets, and has affected us in ways I'm not sure we'll ever recover from. In the game, people won't speak to you unless you pay them. If you don't offer enough, they remain tight-lipped BUT KEEP YOUR MONEY. This just isn't fair. Young impressionable entrepreneurs should not be made to believe this is acceptable bartering behaviour. Imagine the chaos it would create at McDonald's. Ban asap.

Worms Open Warfare 2 screenshot

7. Any Worms game. The worms in Worms are not worms as we know them in the real world. They are weapons specialists with unnerving accuracy with a grenade. Play Worms for any great length and you start to get second thoughts about going down the park for a kick about or having a barbecue in the back garden because you never know when those pesky blighters will poke their heads up and fire a rocket up your ass. Proper psychological damage is Worms. It's too late for us, but others may be saved. Please ban this now BBFC, before it's too late.

Resident Evil 5 screenshot

6. Any Resident Evil game. If you get stuck in Resident Evil, you can usually find a solution to the mind-bending frustration by mashing the X button while walking along every wall in every room until you interact with something you've missed. At first it's annoying, but after a while you start to get a twitch, a rogue vein appears in your temple and your foot begins to tap at 100mph - then it becomes crazy fun. You can spend hours burning a hole in the X button while wall walking the entire environment. Why bother with killing zombies or dealing with deadly viruses? There's shotgun shells in a cupboard somewhere and they must be found. Then, when the electricity cuts out and you have to stop playing, you can do the same thing in your bedroom. It's amazing what crawls out of the woodwork. BBFC priority ban.

FIFA 08 screenshot

5. FIFA 2008, Xbox 360 and PS3. If you haven't already read our review, read it now. The players look fat. Not in a Frank Lampard or Wayne Rooney way either - actually fat. Chelsea star striker Didier Drogba looks like he's eaten all the pies and Tottenham hero Ledley King looks like the Fresh Prince's dad. Why should this graphical anomaly mean the game should be banned? Because it's teaching millions of impressionable young people that being obese will lead you to football stardom. It won't kids. You being crap at football and not being left-footed will be your downfall, not stretch marks. But us saying so can only do so much. Banning the game will show the fatties that obesity doesn't lead to riches, stardom, and dense but gorgeous Girls Aloud members. Over to you BBFC.

Metal Gear Acid 2 screenshot

4. Metal Gear Acid, PSP. When you encounter an enemy, you fight by dealing a card. This is incredibly disturbing. It's just not how it works in the real world. Picture this: imagine being mugged at the 159 bus stop. "Give me your money NOW!", he says while holding a knife to your eyeball. "Hold on a moment sir", you reply, reaching into your pocket. "I have a front evade card here, therefore you cannot mug me." No, it doesn't work like this in the real world. And we should not be teaching our young people that it does. When being mugged do not counter it with a card you bought from eBay for £20. It will not save you from destruction. Run. Run like the wind, and hope whoever is attacking you doesn't ride your slipstream and swipe that PSP right out of your back pocket and stick the knife in your kidney for being cheeky. Ban.

World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade screenshot

3. World of Warcraft, PC. This game, or WoW as it is affectionately known to addicts, should be banned because it is the gaming equivalent of repeatedly punching yourself in the nose without being able to stop. The psychological motivators at play in the game result in sweatyness, bad breath, weight gain and an aversion to natural light. And what for? Insanely boring and repetitive quests: visit NPC, get order for 20 bits of cloth from wizards halfway across the world, spend 10 minutes travelling to location revealed by gold selling cheat website, spam frostbolt for two hours as you struggle to get 20 bits of cloth from wizards because 50 other players are trying to do exactly the same thing as you at 4am, spend ten minutes getting back to NPC, find NPC has been killed by enemy player, wait ten minutes for it to respawn, wait for you to respawn because level 70 rogue has killed you, give 20 bits of cloth to NPC. Level up. Repeat with more difficult wizards and more rare bits of cloth ad infinitum. Ban this rubbish BBFC. For the love of God ban it.

Halo 3 screenshot

2. Halo 3 online, Xbox 360. Never before has the term "game experience may change when played online" been more appropriate. Halo 3 is great fun with friends, but when played with people you don't know, especially teenagers, and especially American teenagers, it no longer becomes fun. It becomes a living nightmare, a barrage of insults straight from the sweaty bedroom of some over-sexed boy whose balls haven't dropped. This is a traumatic experience indeed. "YOUR MUM'S A FAG. YOUR DAD'S A FAG. EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH IS A FAG. YOU ARE A FAG." Enough. Today's teenagers need to know they can't speak to people like this. Shame on you Microsoft, for creating a hugely popular anonymous online environment where people say what they want without fear of retribution. If you're not going to make people's addresses appear by their gamertag, then we call on the BBFC to ban Halo 3, and perhaps all online gaming. Now.

Wii Sports screenshot

1. The Nintendo Wii. Controversial. But right. Here's why. You might smack you're Mum in the temple mid backhand. That's traumatic. You might break your TV as a result of some overzealous bowling action. That's even more traumatic. Oh, and you have to wear trendy clothes and kind of remind your friends of someone from Hollyoaks - that's as traumatic as it gets. But the number one reason why the Nintendo Wii is our number one thing that should be banned instead of Manhunt 2 is because it makes you look like an idiot. A nerdy, games playing idiot, waving your arms about like a crazed car salesman, rotating your hips because it was acceptable in the 80s and shouting like a highstreet drunkard not because it's fun, but because you can't believe what's happened to your beloved Zelda game. Ban this sick filth BBFC. BAN IT NOW.

What do you think? Let us know about the games that should be banned instead of Manhunt 2 below.

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User Comments

xboxlive's Avatar

xboxlive

lol likeing this read.
you got some good joke in there too.
lol keep up the fun
Posted 08:00 on 05 January 2009
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cameron

Keep any worms game (worms are cool) Fifa 08 (because it's retro) and the wii (because at the beginning of a game it says not to do all that stuff)
Posted 06:32 on 05 January 2009
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Anonymous

This is a ****ing joke!
Posted 16:56 on 14 December 2008
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ME

Lol the WoW one was funny
Posted 11:16 on 05 November 2008
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jj

what the **** are you retarted thats what rating are for halo 3 is M anyway and burnout its kind of obvious that you should purposly crash and wii only retards can break a TV with a wii
Posted 15:23 on 26 April 2008
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collie1312

Hahaha very good,
If a console had to be banned it would have to be the wi. that f...ing joy pad nearly broke my 32 HDTV when i was playing tennis.

Posted 18:00 on 03 November 2007
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Bloodstorm

I do because it's possible. You just dont have the right mind for it.
Posted 20:45 on 15 October 2007
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Anonymous

Do you want your children to grow up thinking art is a pratical career?
Posted 20:44 on 15 October 2007
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bluntm4n353

Brilliant article I must say.To all of the clever people who didnt get this...eh hello. I think they should ban red steel. Not only was it daylight robbery by gamestop to accept my 50 quid for this monumental piece of work, when I took it out of the Wii and smashed the disc into a 1000 little pieces it simply put itself back together and started to taunt me, telling me I can never destroy it.Ubisoft, I am traumatized.Ban this atrocity before more poor souls like mine are claimed by shoddy games development. Thanks for listning im off to play Universal studios for my GC...AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH
Posted 00:41 on 15 October 2007
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B-Mac

PacMan HAS to be banned, i mean, it teaches us that we can eat thousands of little dots and stay healthy, while touching ghosts makes us dematerialize and die. Can you imagine if you catch your kid overstuffing himself/herself with cocoa puffs, nesquik, round shaped candy, and marbles??? This game makes our kids unhealthy! BBFC BAN THIS INFLUENCER AT ONCE! (lmao)
Posted 00:18 on 15 October 2007
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eboreg

None of these games even compare to Manhunt 2. This must be some sick practical joke.
Posted 18:11 on 14 October 2007
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Unspec4

We need the BBFC to ban Pong.

Pong is a very hurtful game to the youth. It is a competition, a game where only one person wins.

The person who does not win will be shunned for the rest of his/her life. It will hurt his/her ego forever.

Also, it encourages our youth to reflect blocks at the ones which we hate. It uses aggression to the next level. It is training our kids to throw rocks at one another.

This must be stopped. Where is the BBFC?
Posted 09:28 on 14 October 2007
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B-Mac

i was laughing at the amount of bs in this article, if it were serious, i'd flame you all right now. TY for the explanations in the comments xD

WiiFanboySide: YOU ARE RIGHT! BAN HALO 3!!!!!! HAHAHA
Posted 00:08 on 14 October 2007
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Darren

GTA, because nearly everything in the above games, can all be done in this series of games.

Hope a law comes out, that makes the BBFC rate films and games like they are supposed to.

PS. Please can any violent killers out there who get caught, please tell the police you killed because you saw Coronation Street or East Enders.
Thanks
Posted 13:58 on 13 October 2007
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Lord Chester

Bravo! Bravo! Jolly good show my dear chap! One for the old boys, ey?
Posted 05:55 on 13 October 2007

Game Stats

Release Date: 08/12/2006
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Sports
No. Players: 1-4
Rating: PEGI 7+
Site Rank: 1,023 159
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