Manhunt 2 Features for Wii

On: WiiPCPS2PSP
With our changes Manhunt 2 will be on store shelves in no time
With our changes Manhunt 2 will be on store shelves in no time

With our changes Manhunt 2 will be on store shelves in no time

After reading Will's (blood) gushing hands-on preview of the Wii version of media pariah Manhunt 2, we can't wait to get our gore-soaked mitts on Rockstar's latest deranged delight.

The censors on both sides of the Atlantic have other ideas though and have banned the game from sale, causing the family friendly bosses at Nintendo and Sony to run screaming for hills. This has left Rockstar, and demented gamers across the globe, up the creek without a baseball bat.

Have no fear though, Pro-G is here. We have compiled a list of 10 suggestions to reverse Manhunt 2's fortunes that we are giving away free to Rockstar - though if the publisher wants to shovel money through our letterbox, we won't stand in its way.

1: Every time the word 'kill' is uttered, replace it with 'bill'

Now the Director that masterminds the player's actions is merely imploring you to carry out proper invoicing practices. For example, saying "That's right, bill that motherf****r" could merely be construed by the BBFC as tough, but fair, accounting.

2: Make the main character Mario

manhunt2 mario -

Would this please the BBFC?

It's a drastic move but, to Nintendo, nothing says 'fun family entertainment' than a middle-aged, magic mushroom gobbling plumber with a young princess fixation.

3: Introduce brain training into the action

Being asked to recite the manner of each execution and, say, how many Wii-mote knife slashes it took to finish the job could really get the pre-frontal cortex moving. Dr Kawashima's relentlessly cheerful mug could pop up between levels to test you and the ultimate goal would be to get your 'murdering age' under-18, so you can't be tried as an adult.

4: Use slapstick noises to soundtrack the brutal slayings

Rockstar could take a leaf out of Tom & Jerry's sadistic violence book here. Blood gushing could be accompanied by a slide whistle being let out, baseball bat clubbings could be to the sound of a ringing gong - the sonic possibilities are endless, well we can think of two anyway.

5: Employ Nicole Kidman for the advertising

nicole kidman -

Killing is wholesome fun

If those More Brain Training TV spots are anything to go by, the former Mrs. Cruise has no shame about being filmed alone, playing games and talking to herself (it's probably some sort of court order to make up for The Stepford Wives). If anyone can make Wii stabbing motions look sane, it's Nicole dressed totally in white in a white room (actually, hang on a sec).

6: Make the villains terrorists

You can do anything to a terrorist and nobody bats an eyelid, even tickle their feet while they are tied down. All Rockstar would have to do is give the henchman dialogue like "Death to the infidels" and the BBFC and ESRB will call off the dogs faster than you can say "Well, he looks a bit like Bin Laden so his death is entirely justified" (about four seconds to our reckoning).

7: Turn all murder scenes monochrome

A genuinely sensible suggestion. In the eyes of the regulators, simply switching from full colour to black and white will cover a multitude of sins - including great geysers of the red stuff. THQ's The Punisher used this technique during its gory torture scenes and even Quentin Tarantino had to resort to it for the massacre sequence in Kill Bill Volume 1. Quite how this thinly veiled cover-up works is beyond us. Maybe monochrome simply reminds censors of a simpler, less brutal time where wooden-teethed stars like Humphrey Bogart ruled the screens. The resulting emotional reaction causes nostalgic tears to cloud their vision, making them miss that bit where the chainsaw connects with the neck.

8: Put a prominent disclaimer at the start

Just as FlatOut: Ultimate Carnage implores gamers to "always wear a seatbelt", Manhunt 2 could warn buyers to "refrain from stabbing, maiming, gutting, eviscerating and using rude words". There could even be a government notice stamped on the box, complete with advice on the hazards of taking up murdering (just like those helpful notices on cigarette packets). Here are two suggestions: KILLING HURTS PEOPLE AROUND YOU, MURDER MAKES YOU IMPOTENT.

9: Curse the main character with emotions

"I think I'll wait here for a while and think this over."

"I think I'll wait here for a while and think this over."

Rather than making him a mute, remorseless psychopath, why not opt for a whiny neurotic who agonises over every decision he has to make - like Woody Allen (everyone loves him, right?). This would also have the added bonus of dramatically increasing the game length, with each murder involving at least 10 minutes of tearful soul searching beforehand, followed by half an hour of remorseful wailing after the act.

10: Stress that Manhunt 2 is only for adults and should receive an 18 rating accordingly

Seems simple really. If adults want to commit gruesome murder in the privacy of their own homes, then who are the censors to judge. It's just a game after all, like Animal Crossing only with more skull crushing and less turnip trading.

And that is the best we could come up with. If you want to chip in and help this noble cause, pop your suggestions in the comments section below.

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clough17383's Avatar

clough17383

Many Internet sites request your d.o.b. before allowing entrance onto the site. I propose that Rockstar password protect the game. When a consumer buys the game they have to register online for a password that they will be asked for every time they load the game. This way responsible adults and parents can prevent children from playing. Admittedly there are some very irresponsible people out there but that’s where the law should take over.
Posted 14:03 on 20 July 2007
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Christopher

Just a question but cant they do something a bit more shady? they release the game without all the violence. they remove each bit of blood in the game ( cant be that hard). It gets the 18 rating then someone from the internet misteriously starts propagating a patch which brings the game back to its original form. Just like the naked chick in GTA.
Posted 09:56 on 18 July 2007
FantasyMeister's Avatar

FantasyMeister@ Christopher

The download only option is one possibility to assist with making sure the game goes to the right age group, but the other problem is that both Sony and Nintendo refuse to allow any game rated higher than 18 to run on their systems, so again it's back to the drawing board for Rockstar until they get that rating.

In a way I feel sorry for Rockstar; they've put a lot of development time and money into developing a game that tries to push the boundaries of what has been made before and this is a heavy setback for them. I hope they manage to work something out. Then again, they must have known the risks when designing the game early on. It might pay them in future to liase with censorship bodies during development rather than just submitting near-finalised product and crossing their fingers.
Posted 17:31 on 17 July 2007
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Christopher

If it was for me id do something really simple. The game isnt getting released cause it might be bought and played by children right? Then why not have the game on sale only through the internet, buying with paypal and only to the cards home address. this way only adults will be able to buy it ( if they buy it for their kids it aint a biggy, as long as manhunt sells it only and explicilty to adults it shouldnt generate too much madness.) id keep the advertising down, the game will still push a lot on itnernet. Well id guess thats the only choice they might have
Posted 15:31 on 17 July 2007
FantasyMeister's Avatar

FantasyMeister

Obvious really. Slapping someone around with a 3ft cucumber would be original, the sledgehammer thing has been done so many times previously. Drop 20kg marrows from great heights onto unsuspecting victims, unleash the creative killer inside you with a carrot. Rename it Grocerhunt, BBFC 12, sorted.
Posted 09:20 on 17 July 2007
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gta playa

this whole games turning people into muerderes is rubbish im 10 played every gta game and have never comit a single crime not like i play sonic and try to run up walls later theres a lot of worse things than violent video games out there and even eaiser to acess
Posted 07:19 on 17 July 2007
beets321's Avatar

beets321

They could turn all the people in to zombies.

Thats what they to an old game called "Carmageddon"
Posted 21:12 on 13 July 2007
bencrosaby's Avatar

bencrosaby

I thought this was on a serious note until I read the first point. Jesus, I thought you were deadly serious. :p
Posted 15:35 on 11 July 2007
Mulac's Avatar

Mulac

those ten steps are really good, you lot have brilliant minds lol
Posted 21:01 on 10 July 2007
Karlius's Avatar

Karlius

If this game is released it will get played by children! It's a guarantee! Slapping an 18 certificate on anything is rubbish i remember getting my hands on The Terminator, Childs Play and numerous other 18 year old rated films and watching them at the age of 10 and below. And i like to think i turned out a well rounded individual. If it is in you to be a psychotic lunatic then it is in you. Just because you see something on TV or in a video game to a normal person this won't influence their decision to go out and commit gruesome mass murder. They can clarify reality to fantasy. Otherwise we'd get people going off on quests with rings or trying to jump off buildings and shoot spider web from their arms. The truth is if you got a mental instability and something like this can set you off on a killing spree then you still have this instability in you, and therefore anything can set it off. It's more likely to be the news at the moment more so than anything else! It's hardly like the game will brainwash people into committing murder like the Taliban or something! As long as their in killing people on the console their not out on the streets doing the same is my opinion! That’s my rant over with lol!
Posted 11:55 on 10 July 2007
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nickyforbes

you should just let it come out in uk because lots of people want to play it but you shoud make shure that the people who sell the game in shops should keep an eye on kids with there mum or dad because they will want to play it so don't sell the game to people who are over 18 with kids because there kids will want to play it and you should say to people how older are you or you should just make a 18 people shop that means people who are over 18 are loud to go in and people who are not 18 are not a loud in and should ask there age
Posted 12:37 on 09 July 2007
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Allen

Title says it.
Posted 10:05 on 09 July 2007

Game Stats

Release Date: TBA
Developer: Rockstar
Publisher: Rockstar
Genre: Stealth
No. Players: One
Rating: TBC
Site Rank: 1,690 298
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