The pool hopping mini-game is slightly more entertaining, for a few minutes at least, and tasks players with jumping across a pool by timing a sequence of button presses. In the evening, the girls can take themselves off to the casino, where they can be found wearing clothes - for a change. Using money won from volleyball and pool hopping, chips can be put down on Blackjack, Poker and Slots. This too feels pointless however, as winning big has no advantages. All you can do is head to the shop to buy a new bathing suit, which has no effect on anything apart from aesthetics.
You could choose to spend your money on gifts, which can be presented to other girls on the island in order to bribe their friendship. If you happen to choose an item or accessory they have a particular affinity towards, they’ll shriek with joy, and will happily partner up with you should you pop the question. This is ultimately trivial though, as the difference from one character to another only really extends to the colour of their hair and the size of their bras.
The most intriguing (and seedy) feature the game has to offer equips players with a camera, and lets them live out their fantasies as a soft core porn director. As the girls entertain themselves with a range of different activities - perhaps swinging on a rope or playing in the sea - players are encouraged to take pictures which can be viewed later on in the game. The camera isn’t even digital, and requires film which can be bought from the shop. Again, this activity has no effect on anything whatsoever, and only serves to satisfy the urges of horny teens.
While Dead or Alive: Paradise may appear exciting to a sex-starved 16-year-old, the game is insulting to all other audiences; a huge backwards step in an industry desperately trying to mature. Remember this, kids: ultimately you’re getting yourself worked up over polygon meshes, skin coloured textures and clever algorithms. Unless you’re really struggling for ways to entertain your libido, the game should be categorically avoided. A perverts Paradise it may be, but there’s absolutely nothing heavenly on offer here.