Thank god you returned. I was worried last week's effort would have put some off for life. Yes, it's time for another round-up of all the most interesting bits and bobs from the week just been, and in no way is this a feature designed to point readers in the direction of words which clearly haven't been read by enough people.
The week began with a Battlefield 4 sized bang, when a Medal of Honor Warfighter ad placed on EA's Origin revealed those who pick up this year's shooter will be allowed into a future Battlefield 4 beta.
Sure enough, a few days later EA officially announced that the Battlefield 4 beta would begin in autumn 2013. "OMG" went the internet, before getting all angry and stuff about EA and DICE's decision to roll out another Battlefield rather than return to Bad Company.
Now watch these trailers.
Michael Pachter, the nation's favourite analyst – as revealed in Channel 4's Top 100 Video Game Analysts of All Time – told the world that Activision had pretty much bullied Nintendo into making a Wii U Controller Pro in order for 12-year-olds to enjoy shooting people in Call of Duty. However, it turns out that this was merely an educated work of fiction – or a guess.
Activison certainly does have some clout in the video games industry. Every time we mention Activision here on VideoGamer.com we have to go kiss a life size gold bust of Bobby Kotick – it leaves a horrible taste in your mouth.
Moving on then. Sony's PS Vita continues its downward spiral into oblivion with retailers Play.com and Amazon.co.uk deciding to drop the price of the handheld to the almost tempting £169.99. And if that kind of bargain doesn't get you hot under the collar how about this video of Tekken's finest running around in skimpy swimwear?
The kinkier of our readers may also get off on news that Resident Evil 6 will feature a breast-caressing naked spider/human, which is all kinds of sexy... I mean wrong.
We're all big kids at heart so we were chuffed to bits with news of three new video game toy ranges this week. Warcraft geeks get to pretend their bedroom floor is Azeroth thanks to a new set of WoW construction toys, and Halo Xbots can imagine a more fulfilled life by purchasing some rad toys based on the vehicles from the series. All bets are, however, off if the LEGO Portal set becomes a reality. If you need a minute to calm yourself watch this video of men kicking balls.
That's better right? That PES 2013 demo will be released July 25.
For no other reason than being a Spurs fan I bring you exciting news that thanks to a new partnership with EA, the players of Tottenham Hotspur will feature more accurate faces in future versions of FIFA. This fact alone should be enough to convince wantaway midget Luka 'rat face' Modric to remain a Spurs player forever more.
Don't worry, we're almost done. Two bouts of crazy for you now. First Gearbox boss Randy Pitchford went a bit nuts when he started comparing first-person shooters to ice-cream. I'm partial to pistachio, but will generally eat whatever is available. Then unconvincing Kickstarter Ouya, the $99 android console, generated more than $5 million in funding. Madness.
And finally, remember to listen to Episode 53 of the VideoGamer.com podcast, which has already been lavished with praise.
Matt emailed to say: "A healthy mixture of intellectual discussion and hilarity in one package. Probably one of my favourite episodes in awhile." Before adding. "Dave's got a problem." Yes, yes he has.
I'm off on holiday now. Laters.