Press X to kiss wife – why developers can't do romance

Games still struggle to convey romance in a convincing manner.

Catherine

It feels a bit harsh including Catherine on this list, because for the most part Atlus does a decent job of making a grown-up game, exploring the pressure of romantic relationships with a degree of subtlety we've not seen since... actually, I'll have to get back to you on that.

Anyway, the story focuses on Vincent – a direction-less thirty-something who gets a surprise when his long-term girlfriend, Katherine, announces that a) she wants to get married and b) that she's up the duff. Naturally Vince responds by freaking the hell out, getting wasted, and taking home a one-night stand, Catherine. This is then followed by a less typical response to the situation, which involves climbing up stairs and hanging out with traumatised sheep – and no, I don't have time to explain that here. Let's just say it's not a Welsh or New Zealand thing.

The point is, Atlus' commendable efforts are heavily scuppered by the fact that Katherine with a K never seems to spend any time with Vincent. They don't share a place together – he lives in a shoebox, and her home is never mentioned – but beyond that, their intimacy never seems to stretch beyond a 90-second conversation in a coffee shop... a conversation that consists almost entirely of her nagging him. The game supports their relationship with only the most skeletal of back stories, to the extent that it's wildly improbable that the two would ever kiss, let alone have sex. No wonder Vincent is surprised when Katherine announces the bun in her oven: either she's been sleeping around, or Jesus 2.0 is on the way.

Press X to kiss wife? Nope. You do get to shout at your wife-to-be, and that somewhat makes up for the incessant nagging. Or it would, if you hadn't lost your mind after the 13th bastard-hard sliding block puzzle.