Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D

Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D Features for 3DS

On: 3DS
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8Out of 10
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50 Shades of Grey is currently sweeping the nation with its blend of titillation and excitement. But did you know it was originally written to be Twilight fanfiction? Well, what you might not have known is that, before even that, it was designed to pay homage to Hideo Kojima's 1998 classic Metal Gear Solid.

Using some considerable computer hacking skills we've managed to grab four exclusive extracts from this draft - 50 Shades of Gray Fox - and are publishing them on VideoGamer.com right now. We've cut out some of the raunchier bits, but minors might want to look away - it's going to get a little steamy in here.


Chapter 1

Metal Gear Solid Digital Graphic Novel screenshot

I groan with frustration looking at my reflection in the mirror. Oh, my unruly face - I can't get it looking right, and I completely blame Solid Snake for subjecting me to all of this bother after my loyalty to Big Boss caused me and him to fight during the Outer Heaven uprising. I should be focusing on my ninja moves, yet here I am trying to sort out my sort-of robotic hair in the mirror. I yell out to Naomi, my adopted charge who doesn't know I killed her parents, in frustration.

Naomi is ill - she's chosen today, of all days, to get ill with FOXDIE. She can't go and do her work, which is looking after mega-sneaky-commando Solid Snake on Shadow Moses Island. She's convinced me to go in her place - how do I get suckered into things like this?

And more importantly, what on Earth will I do when I get there?


Chapter 14

Metal Gear Solid Digital Graphic Novel screenshot

"Snake?" I ask.

"Yes," he says, his manly lips wrapped around a long cigarette.

"Let's see how Solid you really are."

I pull my manly sword out of its sheath with ease. Snake recoils and slivers over to me, talking about atomic blasts with such passion and intensity that I can't help but surrender to him.

He comes at me, but I bat away his hard bullets with ease - who does this man take me for? But when he rushes to grab me with his manly hands I can't resist any longer. We settle into an exhilarating rhythm as we tussle, his blows hitting me deeper and deeper with each strike. Oh Snake, it feels so wrong but so good! I lock eyes with him as he goes over and over and harder and harder. I look at his throbbing wonder and I groan with cybernetic delight. My metal exoskeleton is vibrating so much with raw burning desire that I sound like a tuning fork.

My inner god is putting double helpings of salsa on the meringue. He's leaping into the air with jubilation, smacking his lips together with excitement at the power of Snake's advances. Electrical impulses flood into my belly, and I sizzle with anticipation as I think what he'll do to me.

"That's it, Snake" I groan manically. "Hurt me more," I beg. I'm a quivering mess, with electrical static cruising through my soft veins. My muscles clench, and I scream for Solid Snake to make me feel alive again. I'm consumed by him, and I'm not even in control of the words coming out of my mouth any more.

My climax is so powerful I feel like I've turned invisible, and I flee. Who is this powerful man?


Chapter 33

Metal Gear Solid Digital Graphic Novel screenshot

The sensory input of the cockpit is overwhelming me. Liquid Snake's hot fury can be felt in my cheeks, and the rage of our conflict sprays itself over my whole body. The darkest part of me clenches and coils.

"A cornered fox is more dangerous than a jackal!" I scream. Liquid Snake pins me to the wall inside his massive Metal Gear Rex - I didn't know he liked it so rough. I didn't think I would, either. His thumb presses hard on the machine's joystick - this is so wrong, but I know Liquid Snake can fire his railgun harder and faster than anyone else on the planet right now.

Liquid Snake comes out of the cockpit and moves his rippling exposed torso close to me. I can feel his breath on my exoskeleton, and the tip of my sharp blade feels ready to embed itself into his face.

Solid Snake's stinger missile fires right into the cockpit, and I didn't know it would feel like this. I couldn't imagine the explosion feeling like this, wrapping itself around my body, licking at my exoskeleton. I can't think straight, I can't focus... I can only feel its intensity as the stinger comes all over me, and I stiffen thinking about it.


Chapter 48

Metal Gear Solid Digital Graphic Novel screenshot

Just before I leave, I turn and stare at Snake and I see the sadness and longing in his eyes.

"Are you really going to give this all up and go back to being a cyber-organic ninja?"

"Why not? It's who I am," I say, shrugging.

Snake shuts his eyes and sparks up another cigarette.

I turn around and keep walking, managing a few steps before he raises his voice to me.

"Please, don't go," he says. "You haven't even seen the railgun of Metal Gear Rex"

"Is that what you're calling it these days?" I say in return. "I can't give you what you need," I add.

He steps closer to me. "Don't you want... to see my amazing tool? It's good enough for the President, who also happens to be a clone of mine. We have amazing tools."

"Snake," I say, "We're not tools of the government, or anyone else. Fighting was the only thing... the only thing I was good at. But... at least I always fought for what I believed in."

I walk away and feel real grief, the pain driving itself deep down into my soul. I had hoped to bring my Fifty Shades of Gray Fox into the limelight, but it turns out not even extensive gene therapy could make that happen. My inner God is furious. The pain from an electrical discharge is nothing compared to the agony of my consciousness, and I give myself up to the sadness that has now consumed my life. How could I have been so stupid?

End of Part One

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BC_Animus's Avatar

BC_Animus@ s_h_a_d_o

Quote:
Originally Posted by s_h_a_d_o
The great literary artists you cite weren't always recognised within their own lifetimes, often leading lives of relative obscurity and their creative genius hidden amongst a plethora of contemporary dross, until revealed by the enlightenment of later generations...

Thing is though the classics sold well enough in their own time, enough to survive and be passed onto to our modern day world. It scares me to think what our legacy would be to the future generations; what horrors we would pass onto them years from now. Rousing works of Shakespeare? No! The deep horrors from the minds of King and Barker? No! The vast worlds of Heinlein? No! Instead we have... Tales of sparkly emo vampires and badly written porn???
Posted 11:32 on 11 July 2012
s_h_a_d_o's Avatar

s_h_a_d_o@ BC_Animus

The great literary artists you cite weren't always recognised within their own lifetimes, often leading lives of relative obscurity and their creative genius hidden amongst a plethora of contemporary dross, until revealed by the enlightenment of later generations...
sadly, I fear young Gaston is destined to suffer the same fate.
Posted 03:31 on 11 July 2012
p0rtalthinker's Avatar

p0rtalthinker

Bruhahaha very funny. It's a classic. Slap a cover on it and it'll sell millions I'm sure.
Posted 02:08 on 11 July 2012
Bloodstorm's Avatar

Bloodstorm

No "HURT ME SNAKE!!!"? Shame on you VG.
Posted 00:11 on 11 July 2012
rbevanx's Avatar

rbevanx@ 87Sarah

You should follow 50 shades of shi8 (not the correct spelling for clear reasons) on twitter. Best mickey take since the fake Peter Molyneux on Twitter.
Posted 18:42 on 10 July 2012
87Sarah's Avatar

87Sarah

I recently found out that girls on Facebook can actually read after their updates on this Fifty Shades of Grey nonsense. The book is actually quite poorly written from what I've read so far. James of course wants me to read the "love scenes" out loud to him once I get to any...
Posted 18:29 on 10 July 2012
dazzadavie's Avatar

dazzadavie

My wife is has just finished the first 50 shades book and thought it was nothing special. This book on the other hand had me hot under the collar, which has left me confused and scared o_O.


Great writing Martin really was funny to read.
Posted 14:14 on 10 July 2012
BC_Animus's Avatar

BC_Animus

Our society NEEDS to end. I hate to sound like an old man, but when I was young we were reading classic works of Wells, Dickens, CS Lewis, Issac Assimov, Frank Herbert, et cetera. Nowadays we have rubbish like Twilight and Fifty Shades, being read by adults, dominating the top 10 charts and being regarded as literary classics... <shaking head> WTF?
Posted 14:02 on 10 July 2012
tvr77's Avatar

tvr77@ guyderman

Tell me about it! i just got back from a two week holiday in greece, which buy the way was lovely apart from the fact that every where i looked i could see that dam book clutched by tons of grinning women. And if they wernt reading it they were ranting on about it. Its crazy! this is the one place i felt sure would be a 50 shades of grey free zone :-?
Posted 11:07 on 10 July 2012
guyderman's Avatar

guyderman

I'm sick of hearing about this 50 Shades of Grey thing - I thought everyone was going mad over a Dulux colour chart or something!
Posted 10:25 on 10 July 2012
coletrain's Avatar

coletrain

Amazing work. Martin Gaston is of course the author's pen name. I cannot reveal his true name.
Posted 10:05 on 10 July 2012
VG_Dave's Avatar

VG_Dave

Classic! But such a minor blip won't stop me from uploading it to another host!

Click for Image
Posted 10:04 on 10 July 2012
Clockpunk's Avatar

Clockpunk

:D 403 forbidden image already, Dave!

Oh, what a hoot, Martin!
Posted 10:02 on 10 July 2012
VG_Dave's Avatar

VG_Dave

Click for Image
Posted 09:57 on 10 July 2012
Woffls's Avatar

Woffls

Christ. I had to stop reading this because it's really awkward in the office today and if I laugh too much then yeah. But wow.
Posted 09:55 on 10 July 2012

Game Stats

Release Date: 08/03/2012
Publisher: Konami
Genre: Action
Rating: BBFC 15
Site Rank: 1,116 18
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